Waiting For My Boaz (Mistakes Christian Girls Make)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My92oE9RwRE

I’m sure most of you have seen this. And if not, you’ve lived it. This is us. Sad, but true. If you’re a Christian girl reading this, you know; I need not explain. So today, I want to relate to you as one stereotypical coffee-and-the-Word-Christian-girl to another.

Last week we talked about the less-than-fulfilling promises of the “Call Me, Maybe” lifestyle. We examined what it looks like to hang our hopes on the fleeting pleasure of guy attention, and how we can only find true satisfaction in the Author of romance Himself.

Maybe some of you read the last post and thought to yourself, “Duh! I already knew that. Now if I can only get (insert name of friend here) to read this…” Most of you, I bet, agreed with the truth I shared but did not see it as applicable to your own life. I know this, because if I were reading such a post, I would have made a list of all the girls I know that need to read it, not recognizing that I need to take a look at my own heart first.

“But Allie,” you may say, “I don’t hook up with guys. I don’t need guy attention to make me happy. I’m a Christian, and Christians don’t do those things. I’ve read all the dating books, I’ve listened to all the dating sermons, and I’ve done all the dating Bible studies.”

And to you, dear reader, I say,

Perfect!

You’ve come to just the right place.

No matter how “Christian” we may be, we all harbor in our hearts the same desire: to be wanted and loved. Not just today or tomorrow, but forever. Some try to fulfill this desire in obviously dangerous ways: having sex in order to validate your self-worth, getting drunk to make yourself “more fun” or “braver” in your pursuit of a guy, or going from one fling to another in search of lasting love and acceptance. But these are not the only ways to ineffectively fill that void.

Other not-so-obvious (but equally treacherous) ways are as follows:

Reading all the books on Christian dating.

Talking to every Christian woman you know about the topic of dating.

Following all the Christian rules on dating.  

And lastly, knowing all the Christian vocabulary concerning dating.

Yep.

You heard me.

You can be just as unfruitful doing the “right” things as you can in doing the wrong things.

I know that sounds crazy, but let me explain.

I’m reading a spectacular book by Tim Keller called Prodigal God, based on the parable in Luke 15 about the prodigal son, which I’m going to assume most of you know. (If not, read the story- it’s a great one!) In the first couple chapters, Keller highlights a truth that made me cringe with conviction. He points out that it is not only the rebellious, wayward son that is lost, but also the elder, obedient son. He explores the idea that the older son, resentful upon his younger brother’s return, is in need of just as much grace as the son who squandered his father’s estate. When the older son complains of not having his own feast thrown for him, he reveals the selfishness of his heart. You see, the older son believes that because he has been obedient to his father all these years, he has earned the right to a celebration. Which, in turn, proves that it’s not his father that the older son loves, but rather his father’s stuff. The son had not served him merely for the sake of service, but for what he would get out of it. Keller uses this analysis to prove that we can be push God away just as much through our righteousness- following all the rules, praying all the right prayers, saying all the right things, etc- as we can by our unrighteousness.

Ouch.

So what am I getting at here? That doesn’t seem like it has much to do with dating.

In the words of Elisabeth Elliot, “No one is pure apart from the righteousness of Christ.” In other words: we- Christian girls- need to hear the same truth as our non-Christian friends do. We can turn up our nose at the girls who are partying and hooking up every weekend, but we are no better than them by simply “being good.”

Because, as we’ve mentioned before, we must get to the heart of the matter in order for truth to be revealed. Satan wants nothing more than to keep us on the surface of things. He would rather distract us by a million outside factors than allow us to look into the depths of our hearts. For he knows that, there in the depths, is Christ. And where Christ is, the Enemy doesn’t stand a chance.

Satan uses good things- even godly things- to draw us away from intimacy with our Savior. He replaces the Creator with things created, and thus robs us of the lasting joy that God’s Presence offers. He uses this strategy to do what he always does: make us question 1) God’s goodness and 2) our identity in Christ. We are not the first victims of this crafty scheme. No, we have many a predecessor, one of them being Jesus Himself. If we look at Matthew 4, we see that Satan tempts Jesus not with bad things, but with good and even truthful things. He uses bread, God’s own Word, and the glory of the earth in attempts to pull Jesus’ attention away from His Father. Jesus, however, remembers the Lord’s promises and rebukes the Enemy by saying, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only you shall serve.’” (Matt. 4:1-11)

We would be wise to follow in Jesus’ footsteps. He is not enchanted by Satan’s offers, for his eyes are set on a Prize far greater than anything this life contains. Not even the wonders of the world could shake His confidence in the Lord.

In the same way, we must be careful to remember that while this world offers some great things, even Christ-centered things, they are nothing in comparison to Christ Himself. We can get all the advice, read all the literature, follow all the rules we want to, but until we learn to rest in the foundational truths of God’s goodness and our identity in Him, the do’s and don’t’s will get us nowhere. We must remember who it was Jesus most condemned- not the prostitutes, the tax collectors, or the wayward sons and daughters. No, Jesus’ ministry was against the righteous, the religious, the rule followers, and the ‘good’ elder sons.

So, what of the rules? Are we to do away with all of them? No, I don’t think so. For even Jesus Himself said that He came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. Rules and guidelines are good, helpful tools that can steer us in a godly direction. Psalm 19:7-11 says,

“The law of the Lord is perfect,

reviving the soul;

the testimony of the Lord is sure,

making wise the simple;

the precepts of the Lord are right,

rejoicing the heart;

the commandment of the Lord is pure,

enlightening the eyes,

the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;

the rules of the Lord are true,

and righteous altogether.

More to be desired are they than gold,

even much fine gold;

sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.

Moreover by them is your servant warned;

in keeping them there is great reward.”  

As we look at these verses, we see that the rules are not merely statutes to be kept; they serve as healing and rejuvenation of the heart. They are reminders of the goodness of the Lord and the confidence we can have in Him. Notice the passage never says, “Do what God says and you’ll get what you want”; His rules are not simply a roadmap to happiness. These truths promise something far greater: wisdom, joy, enlightenment, and satisfaction of the soul. In keeping them, there is great reward. This reward isn’t the perfect dating relationship or any other thing we may want in this life, but rather the Lord Himself. When God tells us that by delighting in Him we will get the desires of our heart, He doesn’t mean we can manipulate Him through obedience. Like the elder brother in Luke 15, our attempts to earn God’s “stuff” through “goodness” simply won’t work. Psalm 51:16-17 emphasizes this point,

“For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it…

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

It’s not our good deeds that our Father cares about. He places far more importance on our willingness to serve Him for who He is, not for what He can give us.

With this in mind, I don’t believe the Lord wants us to be crippled under the pressure of the romanticized Christian “pursuit.” For freedom He has set us free, not that we should be enslaved again- to sinfulness or goodness (Gal. 5:1). I don’t think He desires that we be dictated by a list of dating do’s and don’t’s that will inevitably leave us weary and frustrated. Jesus promises that His yoke will be easy and His burden light. Why would He then ask us to carry the weight of legalism? Why would He then expect us to meet an impossibly high standard that He’s already met for us? Why would He beg us to be still and know that He is God if He would rather us strive for perfection? Rather, He desires that we simply to rest in the knowledge of Him, knowing that He will guide us and help us, as in fact He “has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness.” (2 Peter 1:3)

So now I am led to the same conclusion with which I finished my last post. Relying on our own relationship know-how just won’t work, no matter how strong our faith may be. Books and sermons and wise counsel are wonderful things, as long as they continually point us back to Christ.  Knowledge is beneficial, but we “elder sons” must remember that we will never be able to abandon the basics of Christianity in exchange for more “mature” truths. Those of us waiting for our “Boaz” need just as much instruction and grace as those seeking fulfillment from the hope that he’ll “call me, maybe.” Without a deep and intimate relationship with our Savior, both the righteous and the unrighteous are exactly where they don’t want to be- alone. 

 “And I, when I came to you, brothers and sisters, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.” 1 Corinthians 2:1-2